Trigger Mortis' Pickled Pecker Casserole

So in my never ending fitness quest, I am trying to stay away from salt, but eating food without salt is like derby without a pivot line start. (What? We still have a pivot line start? Why didn't someone tell me?) Ok, better analogy; eating food without the flavor of salt is like derby without Smarty Pants. Or Dumptruck.

So, in an attempt to recreate the flavor of Dumptruck, I give you...my Pickled Pecker Casserole;

• 2 boneless skinless chicken breasts (aka the pecker)
• 1/2 cup of low sodium dill pickle juice
• 1 tablespoon of olive oil
• 1 cup of parboiled rice
• 1 cup of water
• 3 large mushrooms, sliced
• 1 celery stalk, chopped 
• 1/2 cup of chopped purple onions (they don't have to be purple. I just like it.) 
• 1 shucked ear of corn
• 1/2 tsp garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp paprika
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• 1/2 tsp chile powder

1) Take two boneless, skinless chicken breast, wrap them loosely in dental dam (saran wrap) and beat those peckers until they are only a half inch thick. Remove from wrap and cut each breast into two equal parts.

2) Pour pickle juice in a large bowl and add the chicken. Marinate for 30ish minutes. Or 15 minutes if you're impatient. Or 2 hours if you're a procrastinator like me.

3) Remove the kernels with a knife from the ear of corn and set the corn aside in a bowl.

4) Heat the olive oil in an oven safe pan. Once oil is hot, add rice. Brown the rice in the pan for a couple of minutes, stirring constantly.

5) Add the water, mushrooms, celery, onions, garlic, paprika and black pepper and cook for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. (This will help decrease the amount of time you have to bake the casserole.)

6) Remove chicken from the marinade and lay it seductively across the top of the rice mixture. Pour in the left over pickle juice from the marinade bowl.

7) Sprinkle the corn, then the chile powder evenly across the chicken and rice

8) Cover the pan with an oven safe lid or aluminum foil and bake for 25 to 30 minutes.

And that, my friends, is how you pickle a pecker and put it in a casserole.
I think Dumptruck would be proud.

Trigger's Guiltless Breakfast Taco

The best thing about these tacos, besides the yumminess, is that they are salt and butter free, so you can happily swish your sassy butt around at practice, knowing you didn't add any cellulite to it this morning.

Ingredients:

-olive oil spray
-two large eggs (like the ones you imagine you have while you're jamming)
-1/2 cup of chopped frozen (for shame, I know) broccoli, thawed
-1/2 a diced roma tomato
-1 sliced green onion
-1/2 a jalapeno, diced
-a few sprouts of diced cilantro
-a flour tortilla

1) crack the two eggs into a cup or small bowl and beat them like a red headed step child for about 8 seconds and set aside. You can leave out the yolk if you prefer, but it will be less flavorful.
2) Spray a non-stick frying pan lightly with olive oil spray and begin heating up the pan
3) Over medium heat, toss everything but the eggs and tortilla into the frying pan.
4) Stir continually until the onions start to become clear.
5) Reduce heat to low, stir in the eggs and cook to desired level of doneness. I actually just remove my pan from the heat and let the residual heat cook the egg until no longer runny. I just don't like the smell of burning eggs and will go to great lengths to avoid that horrible stench from permeating my nostrils.
6) Heat the tortilla up - I just heat it up on both sides over the burner's open flame until warm. You can do it in the oven, but it comes out a little slimy that way--and no one likes a slimy tortilla.
7) Plate the tortilla and pour the eggy goodness over it.

*For maximum tastebud satisfaction (this recipe is salt and butter free, after all), the dish must be served with Trigger's Corny Guacamole. I like to eat it with healthy sides, such as sliced tomatoes and a half ear of corn with lime and chili powder on it.

Trigger's Reasons for Losing Weight

2012 has found me on a really productive weight loss path, but, about a month and a half ago, I injured my knee pretty bad and couldn't run, skate, etc. I still can't quite do any of that yet. Besides working on upper body and abs, the only thing keeping me from ballooning up like Violet Beauregard has been my diet, yet, even my diet seems to be an uphill battle at the moment. I find myself slipping into old eating habits. "Oh, one of these chocolates won't hurt me." "Oh, but it's just a little comfort food to sooth my injury!" "I DESERVE to eat this blob of hamburger helper!" But with 37 lbs already down, I am so close to my goal, I can taste it like 70% cacao dark chocolate chip pancakes. I have put on 3lbs, but I really can't afford to slide. So, without further ado, I have decided to list 10 reasons I am losing the weight.

1) So that I can beat heredity (fuck you, diabetes and heart disease)

2) So that I can look good in a bathing suit for my Thelma and Louise trip to Galveston with my best friend, Gigi Foulin'

3) the sex

4) So that I can have a happy 35th birthday - no Jack Daniels, pity party, angry girl episodes

5) So that I can be a triple threat on the derby track

6) the sex

7) So that I can be a better asset to my team (aww..that's as mushy as I get)

8) So that I can look good enough to dance burlesque, buy sparkly pasties, practice in my living room, but then say, "Nah...I'd rather be a drag king." I just want the option.

9) So that I can run a marathon. Wait, no a half marathon. Wait, ok at least a 5k.

10) So that I can look hot in my Hex Chromosome shorts.

11) So that, the instant the whistle blows and the bout starts, I can confidently say, "I've done everything I possibly can to prepare for this moment."

12) So that when the Apocalypse comes and we all start eyeballing each other to see who would be good eatin', they will look at me once, then pass me over saying, "Nah, she'd probably kick my ass, and I bet that meat is tough."

Food is my Monica Bellucci: On the Road to My Ideal Derby Weight

Monica Bellucci wearing caviar.

It's 4:27am and I am trolling the interwebs for pictures of food I cannot eat.  I literally just kissed an image of a succulent dark chocolate cake that was on my monitor.  This is a recipe for disaster and nothing good can come of it.  I imagine seedy politicians feel not unlike this just before succumbing to the advances of high dollar courtesans that look like Monica Bellucci.  My fatal weakness, my mistress--my Monica Bellucci--is food.

I am writing about this instead of raiding the refrigerator, in hopes that I can overcome the impending weakness in my knees, and the seductive whispers of the last slice of chocolate cheesecake my brother left in the refrigerator.  I feel, that, standing at the threshold of near cave-in, I need to explain how food was slowly destroying my life, so that I can remember WHY I am no longer going to give into the trollop that is food.  (*sidenote: they call 'em "tarts" for a reason.)

Let me start by saying that I am, even if I were at society's silly standards of ideal weight, a big girl.  At five foot, nine and a half, I am "supposed" to be a healthy 160 lbs. in the real world.  But, I had convinced myself that, in the derby world, I needed to be a little bigger than that, and I think I hid behind "the derby excuse" for WAY too long.  Instead of being just a little bigger than that, I had let my weight get way out of control,  eating fast food all hours of the day, and constantly repeating catch phrases like "blockers don't eat salad" and "it's all in the tits".  To be fair, in my particular case, I would have been telling the more accurate version of the truth if I had said "an impressive and shockingly unbelievable amount of it's in the tits", but I digress.

When I decided I had hit rock bottom just a few short months ago, I was eating so much that I would literally eat in my sleep.  I would have a plate of food in my lap right before I went to bed and would actually fall asleep mid-bite.  Not good.  I would wake up in the morning, groan with one eye open, brush the crumbs of the previous night's food indiscretions off of my sheets, and do the walk of shame, empty plate in hand, downstairs to the sink to wash my plate clean of the evidence.  But no matter how many times I washed my plate, I was ignoring the evidence that was being left on my body.  I was at my heaviest weight ever, tipping the scales at 230 lbs.  I had a great boyfriend and an awesome roller derby league, but had never been more unhappy with myself.

Eating Voodoo Donuts at Western Regionals

I am a five year veteran on the travel team of my roller derby league, and, at that point, was in serious danger of being cut from the team because of my sub-par level of physical fitness.  I could BARELY squeak by on our minimum travel team requirements (30 laps in 5 minutes) and I had zero endurance.  Sure, I got exercise from roller derby, but I was doing just enough to get by in practice--WHEN I showed up.  I couldn't keep up with the basic endurance drills anymore, and I would be so discourage at practice sometimes that I would actually talk myself out of going to practice so that I could spare myself the embarrassment of the newer skaters passing me up.  It wasn't really the way I looked that was bothering me so much as my diminishing level of skill and agility.  In retrospect, I can now admit I was committing a hell of a lot more penalties doing illegal shit on the track--reaching with my arms, elbowing, flailing, bullshit stuff--to get the hit, because, simply put, I just couldn't get there.  I relied more on kill shots than positional blocking, because I just couldn't move on my feet like I wanted.  I knew where I needed to be on the track, but my body would fail what do what my mind wanted me to do.  I would laugh it off, but it wasn't funny.  I could have (and probably did) seriously hurt someone or myself on the track as a result of my lack of body skill.  As the venerable Val Capone so succinctly puts it, "Being big girl rules.  Being unhealthy does not."

Me at my heaviest - 230? lbs.

To make matters worse, my malfunctioning body insecurities had even started to reflect in my relationship.  I was in a such a bad mental place that, when we would go out for a drink, I'd overdo it and would become "that angry drunk girl" that no partner ever wants to (or should have to) deal with.  My poor boyfriend.  He handled it like Gandhi through it all.  I am truly lucky to still have him after some of the self-loathing shenanigans I pulled.

In short, it was not fun, I was not fun, and I never want to go back to that unhappy place, which is why I will not eat that last slice of cheesecake in the fridge, no matter how sweet it might taste.  Those few seconds of bliss are not worth a possible lifetime of unhappiness.  It's all fun and games until someone  ends up sitting in their Camaro, shaking their head and blubbering "I'm a fucking idiot...I'm a fucking idiot, fucking idiot, fucking idiot", Phillip Seymour Hoffman-style.

While it's funny to think about that scene in Boogie Nights, the truth is, I WAS feeling like that and was beating myself up about it without doing (a) squat about it.  Finally, I had had enough.  I was through feeling like that, so I bit the bullet, threw out all of the shite food in the fridge, stopped drinking soda, cut back to four alcoholic drinks a week, started shopping at the farmer's market, got a gym membership (thanks, Ben Dejo), and started running a mile or more every other day.  The first time I got on the treadmill, it wasn't easy--I won't lie--it was discouraging as hell, but I had to start somewhere.  I was lucky to log a mile in 17 minutes, but I couldn't run yet.  My tits were too big and I would have given myself a concussion, even with the three bras I was wearing.  But fast forward just a few short months later, I am now running a mile at around 9 minutes and only getting better.  AND I now look forward to every derby practice and discovering what I can do on skates with my improving body.  At the risk of providing TMI, did I mention sex is better, too? If that's not enough motivation, I don't know what is.  What a difference almost 30 lbs. makes!

While I am definitely not yet at my final goal derby weight of 175lbs, I am only 28 lbs from it, only seven pounds away from my second goal of 195, and only three pounds away from my first weight goal of just under 200lbs..  There are four odd weight goals and personal rewards for me, but they work for my weirdo brain.  Who knew that eating right and running every other day would actually work?  Definitely not me.

I have to give my boyfriend a ton of props for getting me on the right track and being my dream personal trainer, but he refuses to take any credit for it.  He always says, "You're the one doing all the work."  What a guy, right?  I'm glad we got past that dark place in my life.  As I stated earlier, I never want to go back that unhappy, Hoffman-esque place I was at, and, with the right kind of self-discipline and support--which I feel I finally have--I never will.

Eat your heart out, Monica Bellucci.

This week's victory dance @ All-Con sci fi convention demo!  photo by Long Le

What does roller derby taste like?

Ever since I read that, during tournaments, Gotham Girls Roller Derby loads up on a super healthy high protein, high carb concoction of what is lovingly dubbed "Athlete Gruel", http://sweetsherrypie.blogspot.com/2010/11/and-were-not-having-hot-mush-today.html, I have been wanting to try my hand at making myself a bowl of this.  Last night, I finally had the opportunity to do so....and guess what?  It wasn't half bad!  

It tastes better than it looks, I assure you.

I really couldn't find a good recipe for Athlete Gruel on the interwebs, so I winged it (or is it "wang"?) and came up with a pretty solid recipe.

Quinoa has a weird texture...like a combination of rice and grits, but I managed to doctor it up to where it ended up pretty tasty.  I made enough for my brother, his girlfriend and I, and we all gave it a pretty enthusiastic thumbs up.

So, without further ado, I present to you my version of Athlete's Gruel;

"TRIGGER GRUEL"


Prep time:  25 minutes

Makes 4 servings

• 1 cup of quinoa
• 2 cups of water
• 3 grilled chicken breast fillets cut into cubes (I grilled pre-seasoned frozen Tyson fillets on the George Foreman)
• 1 chicken broth bouillon
• 2 cups of fresh raw spinach (rinsed)
• 1/2 cup of chopped onions
• 2 cloves of garlic (diced)
• 1 T Garlic salt
• 1 T of crushed red pepper
• Salt and pepper to taste
• 1 t of Molly McButter Fat-Free cheese sprinkles (optional)

1. Soak quinoa for five minutes in a bowl in water
2. Rinse quinoa thoroughly, then drain.  (I went ghetto and rinsed it through the nylon filter on my coffee pot)
3. Bring two cups of water to a boil
4. Mix in quinoa, cook for 13-15 minutes, or until water has absorbed into quinoa – make sure to stir often during cooking so that it does not stick to the bottom of pan
5. Mix in bouillon, garlic salt, crushed red pepper
6. While quinoa is cooking, in another pan, boil spinach with the onions and garlic for 3-5 minutes
7. Drain spinach and add to quinoa mixture
8. Add chicken to mixture
9. Cook for one more minute, add salt and pepper to taste
10. Enjoy!

Please feel free to comment on the recipe, or even send me your quinoa recipes.  Let me know what tastes good!

"Coming Back From A Break"

by Trigger Mortis, Assassination City Roller Derby (orginally published in the September 2009 issue of Five On Five Magazine)

It was Feb. 8 of 2009 at Dad's Broadway Skateland, and we were deep in the heart of Texas, and our Valentine's mash up bout. There were several girls from all three of our league's teams arbitrarily assigned to be on either the "Sweet Tarts" (the good girls) or the "Heart Ons" (the bad ones). The crowd waited on the edge of its seat, as it was a close one, and you could feel the sweaty electricity building in the air.

It was the last jam of the night and my bench coach, Magnum, held out the jammer panty in my direction, and ordered "Hey Trig...You jam." Anyone that's ever laid eyes on me know immediately that I'm not by any stretch of the imagination a jammer type, and I honestly had NEVER jammed, but I grinned, complied, and put that glorious star helmet cover on my head and grunted through my mouth guard, "I got this." And with that, I barbarically punched the bench with my fist a couple of times, hopped up and rolled on over to my spot on the jam line against Gloria Vanderbitch. We simultaneously traded a couple of haughty "show me what you got" looks, hopped up on our toe stops, squatted into the jammer ready position. The crowd had my back and was chanting my name. After waiting for what seemed like an eternity (but was actually only a few seconds) the whistle screeched.

What actually ensued after that doesn't really matter. Nevermind the fact that I got left in the dust by a much more built-for-speed Gloria Vanderbitch. Forget the fact that I had a harder time breaking the pack than trying to fit into a size six pair of skinny jeans. Let's overlook the fact I went to the penalty box where I spent the remainder of the jam, and our scrappy little team ended up losing that bout. What's important to bring away from this story is that I had just come away with a more amazing personal victory than a trip to the box could ever tarnish. That bout was my first bout back from a long hiatus brought on by the most terrible derby injury I'd ever experienced; a broken leg. I was coming back from a break, literally, and it was a moment I'd dreamed of for eight long months of recovery.

Now, to say my leg was broken is an understatement. It was shattered, actually--in eleven places. It was just a freak accident. We were scrimmaging, I got hit really good while I wasn't looking, and fell wrong. I tried to plant my feet instead of succumbing to the fall in smart, "fall small" manner, and I paid the price. Boy did I pay the price.

The night I spent in the emergency room, when I implored the x-ray tech, doctor, or whatever he was "Tell me, it's just a bad sprain, right?" He squinted his eyes, sucked air through his teeth and said with the utmost tact and sensitivity, "Honestly, it looks like someone took a sledgehammer to your leg. I don't know how you're gonna skate again." It was way worse than a sprain. As It turns out, I had broken my tibia in three places and my fibula in eight. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I buried my face in the crook of my arm so my derby wife, Smack the Ripper, couldn't see me crying. My sweet teammates...they were there through the whole terrible ordeal. I just couldn't deal with it at that moment. Derby was my life. To some degree, it defined me as a person, and the thought of never skating again, made me immediately feel like I had died inside. I was just coming into my own as a skater and it was all taken away from me in the blink of an eye.

The week following that fateful night was a tornado of surgeries, hospital stays, morphine drips and, occasionally, chocolate ice cream to make it not seem so bad. I was really out of it, and, although I don't really remember much during those days, my mother had told me that most of the girls from the league had come by at some point or another to bring me get well packages and offer up encouraging words. Even some of the surrounding leagues like the West Texas Roller Dolls and the East Texas Bombers had sent flowers or get well gifts. When I came out of the haze, two plates, thirty two screws freshly implanted into my leg. I even had, at one point, an external fixater on my leg, a freaky contraption that was made to hold the bones in place. It was, at best, a medieval looking torture device that kids couldn't stop staring at whenever I went out in public. I wouldn't have been surprised if they tried to poke me with a stick or throw rocks at me.

I was bed-ridden and wheelchair bound for quite some time and physical therapy was excruciating, but none of that was as difficult as the knowledge that I couldn't be out there playing the sport that I loved. What was also very difficult was the feeling of helplessness I felt for the first time. I had always viewed myself as strong and, well, dammit, near invincible. Now, having to ask for help to get to the front door, or to get into the bathtub was very humbling. Everyone was more than willing to help, mind you, but I had a hard time facing the fact that people might see a weak Trigger Mortis, which I just couldn't have. Needless to say, I eventually had to suck it up and get used to people helping me during my time of need.

With the help of my friends and family, I still went to almost all of the practices. I watched from the sidelines and cheered, yelled and sometimes helped run practices while I waited for my leg to heal. There were a couple of things that kept me going during my darkest times when I felt dropping off the face of the derby map. First, the amazing support and love I got from my derby sisters really made my heart melt. I was never alone at home. The girls were constantly coming over, bringing me food and making me laugh. Another thing that helped keep me going was the love from the derby community. People I didn't even know reached out to me to offer encouragement, and in some cases, they took up collections to help me pay for medication, dues and whatnot.

Of all the thinks that fueled me through my ordeal, the one thing I focused on most was the fact that I was not alone in my injury. Believe it or not, almost a year before, another one of my teammates had had the exact same injury--same leg, same number of breaks, and as crazy as it sounds, very very close to the same date. Pyro Maim Ya was my hero, my magic eight ball and my oracle through my recuperation. I had watched her recovery for the last year, and knew that, although the road would be hard, it was possible to eventually come back from such an injury. And if I hit a stumbling block along my journey, I knew, all I had to do was ask Pyro, and she had already been through it months earlier, so I barraged her with questions via text at all hours of the day and night. "Does your leg ever do this...?" or "Did you have trouble with this movement....?" If she had set up a wooden stand at the rink and hung a sign that said "Injury Advice - 25 cents", Pyro would have made (and would still be making) a good living off of my patronage alone. Make no mistake. I faced numerous frustrations upon my return to skating; the foreign feeling of having to starting to learn to skate again from scratch on what seemed like someone else's leg. The misdirected jealousy of other skaters that had improved beyond my skill level while I was out of commission. The loss of precious time, and, worst of all, the insurmountable fear of falling wrong again and the distrust I felt while skating near even my own teammates. But eventually, the fear fades, the trust is rebuilt, and you end up learning to skate smarter, not harder.

During my recovery, I did lots of research on derby injuries, and discovered that Pyro and I were by no means alone. There were, in fact, a ton of girls across the country that had suffered similar derby injuries, and each had a story to tell. Pyro and I still joke that we are Pyrobot and Trigger 2.0, members of "The Bionic Bitches Club". It's a small and implied club, and the "dues" are expensive, but there are members scattered across the country and beyond, and we wear our purple hearts inside our hearts. I interviewed some of the "members", listened to their cautionary tales and thought that, at the very least, they would have pearls of wisdom for derby girls currently coming back from a break. What I got back from them was much more than that--I got back stories of the strength of the human spirit, the unyielding love for derby, and positive, inspirational words to live by--on and off the track...

Here are the stories of just a few;

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***Pyro Maim Ya, #10/70, Assassination City Roller Derby - Dallas, TX***

What was your injury?

"I shattered the tibia/fibula in my left leg – I was broken in 11 places (my fibula was basically gravel). I have two plates and 17 screws in what I affectionately refer to as my bionic leg."

How did it happen?

"Remember how the first rule of derby safety is 'fall small'? As I was making my first scoring pass through the pack during scrimmage @ practice, a blocker lost her balance and kicked out her leg instead of falling small. Her skate connected with my calf and the pileup that followed wrapped my leg around her foot. Donkey kicks are one of the most dangerous mistakes in derby! Please train your Fresh Meat to keep their limbs tucked in as much as possible when they lose their footing."

How long was your recovery?

"I had to wait nearly a week for surgery. After that, I was in a wheelchair/on crutches and in a walking boot for almost 4 months. I was cleared for non-contact skating around 6 months and was released for contact @ 7 months."

What fears did you face when returning?

"My sense of personal space changed while my bones were growing back, so I had to get used to being in a tight pack again. I was afraid to get kicked in the leg (for over a year after I returned to skating, my leg ached a lot and any contact with the plates freaked me out). I was afraid that leg would always be weaker, and I was afraid I’d never be able to snowplow correctly again. I reffed for 5 months before I felt comfortable with full contact again, but when I came back, I came back with a vengeance!"

How was your attitude? What kept you going?

"This injury was the worst and best thing that could have happened to me. My drive to return and my ambition to become a better skater than I had been before the break fueled me. I lost over 30 pounds and became faster and more agile than I have ever been."

Pain factor upon returning?

"I have a pretty high pain threshold, but in the beginning the pain was worth than childbirth! At first, it hurt a lot – enough to make me seriously reconsider returning. (that last for about a day) The pressure on the screws and new bone growth was pretty unpleasant for the first year. Two years out, I’m so used to the dull ache that it rarely registers anymore."

Did you stay active in derby during your hiatus? If so, how?

"I fell in love with yoga during my recovery. It improved my balance and strength – physically, mentally and emotionally. I highly recommend yoga to any athlete recovering from a serious injury. It changed my life for the better…I practice every day."

How had the game/skaters changed while you were out?

"Most of my old team retired and the skaters who stayed transferred to other teams. The game became much more strategic – our league began to implement a higher level of training than I’d experienced during my first season. We became more athletic and more driven as a league."

How did you get yourself back up to speed?

"I skated my buns off! J I attended every practice, even when I was in the chair or on crutches. I became involved with training so I could watch and learn, even if I couldn’t participate. When I was cleared for noncontact skating, I resumed my outdoor skating a couple of times per week in addition to league practice. The weight loss also helped me regain my agility and speed and the yoga gave me flexibility that helped my range of motion return quickly."

How had your attitude/approach to derby changed when you returned?

"I have always had a deep and abiding love for derby, but my passion was reignited. You want it so much more when it’s taken away from you! On a personal level, I’d spent several years in a bit of a complacent rut. My injury triggered the most intense aspects of my personality – I was fully charged and ready to return to the track as a completely transformed skater. One of my proudest moments was receiving Most Improved trophies last season from my team and from the entire league – it validated all of the hard work and desire I pour into this sport (and into my training every single day)."

What advice would you give to injured skaters? Any insight?

"It’s so hard not to feel sorry for yourself and wallow a bit. It hurts like hell to watch your league skate without you. Know that this is only a temporary setback. Treat it as a test and pass with flying colors! Don’t get too dependent on your painkillers and don’t drown your sorrows in alcohol, because this will only set you back and make you more miserable. Eat well, get plenty of sleep, and stay as active as your injury permits so that your body will be healthy and heal more quickly. Do your own physical therapy @ home in addition to the exercises the doctor and physical therapists give you (just don’t overdo it)."

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****Death By Chocolate, #69, Houston Roller Derby - Houston, TX****

How did it happen?

"After scoring 43 points in a game, I fell wrong and twisted it. My doctor says it was probably breaking prior to that last fall."

How long was your recovery?

"3 1/2 months"

What fears did you face when returning?

"How would I skate? How long would it take me to get back to "skating" shape? What if I couldn't be there to help my team? What if I were more of a hindrance than a help? What if I break something else? What kinda crazy am I?!?!"

How was your attitude? What kept you going?

"Kinda pissy in the beginning. Who wants to sit on the side and watch?! My families (blood and derby) kept me energized, passionate about the sport, and pushing myself. I did it for myself to prove I could come back and still be a threat."

Pain factor upon returning?

"Stiffness was the main part in coming back to practice 3+ times a week. I was limping after the first game! :o) Pain should only be temporary. Work yourself until the pain goes away, or at least minimizes."

Did you stay active in derby during your hiatus? If so, how?

"I went to practices, pushed my team mates, helped out my team in every way. Called line-ups for games, was there for calls/talks/emails whenever someone needed me. Just because I couldn't skate doesn't mean I couldn't be a friend."

How had the game/skaters changed while you were out?

"My injury was prior to rules changes and the amount of time I was out was minimal compared to other injuries. I was lucky/blessed in being able to come back and jump right in. I also pushed myself not only at practices, but doing anything I could to get back in the "skate" of things. Prior to putting my skates back on I made sure I was exercising my entire body, not just the part that was injured. "

How did you get yourself back up to speed?

"3+ practices a week with my team/league, street skating, biking, running, vitamins, exercises

concentrating on my injury, doctor's calls about what I could do to help strengthen my ankle."

How had your attitude/approach to derby changed when you returned?

"There was definitely a level of appreciation that wasn't there before. To be sidelined and have to watch skaters grumpy, complain, etc made me say I would never complain (seriously!) about being on the floor. I wasn't a slacker by any means, but ever since I came back I'm one of the first ones on the rink encouraging my team to hit the floor. You never know what small move can take it all away in the blink of an eye."

What advice would you give to injured skaters? Any insight?

"Don't let anything hold you back. If you want to skate, put your heart and body into it. Encourage your team mates because they will be the ones out there for you when you need it. You can't do it alone and it's always better fun if your friends can have some! :o) I still have my cast and they let me keep the hardware, a screw and 7 plates!!"

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****Anne Tagonize, #Exit 62, Tampa Bay Derby Darlings, Tampa, FL****

What was your injury?

"I am perpetually injured. It’s become a joke in my league; someone once gave me a handicap sticker for my helmet. First season I broke my nose which broke a blood vessel going to my tooth and turned one of my front teeth black. Second season I sustained knee injury that fractured 2 bones and tore my ACL. This season I am out with tendonitis in my shoulder."

How did it happen?

"The broken nose happened a few months after we started the league. It was the night we formed teams and adrenaline was running high, several people were injured. I got hit with an elbow when another skater flailed her arms to keep her balance. The knee injury at the beginning of the second season was from a tangle up. A teammate and I were going for the jammer and her blocker hit me from the inside into my teammate and we both went down. My leg got twisted around hers. The tendonitis I am currently out with happened because I tried to jump back into scrimmaging before I was ready."

How long was your recovery?

"The broken nose didn’t keep me out long, maybe 6 weeks. For the knee injury I was out for 6 months. I am still battling tendonitis, it’s been off and on for almost two years. It’ll be fine for a while but if I jar my shoulder during a fall, it flares up again. My doctor thinks I haven’t allowed it to fully heal, so I’ve taken myself off the roster for this season to do that."

What fears did you face when returning?

"When I came back from the first injury, I definitely played more cautiously. I noticed I would tuck my head down a lot which affected visibility and therefore my effectiveness. Once I was able to change my focus to the job I had to do, I thought less & less about protecting my nose."

How was your attitude? What kept you going?

"It is the most difficult thing in the world for me to watch others skate when I can’t. I still wanted to be a part of the league, so I continued to come to practices. But it’s hard to not let that get you down. But I just kept telling myself that it was temporary, and that other people go through this too."

Pain factor upon returning?

"I had the most trouble with the knee injury, the fractures healed quickly and weren’t painful but the ACL was. I skated with a knee brace for about 3 months after coming back and then gaskets which I still wear."

Did you stay active in derby during your hiatus? If so, how?

"I had such a passion for derby I still had to be involved in some way. It gave me a chance to contribute more administratively, which the league really needed anyway. And I was Bench Manager for my team which still allowed me to feel part of my team. A lot of girls disappear when they get injured and feel like the league has forgotten about them. It’s really the responsibility of the injured skater to stay active and a part of the league."

How had the game/skaters changed while you were out?

"The knee injury happened right at the beginning of our second season. Our league was getting

exponentially better, having learned from the mistakes of the first season. They were working on fine tuning skills and technique. It was a little overwhelming coming back after 6 months and feeling like everyone had gotten so much better and I had to work to get back to where I was before the injury."

How did you get yourself back up to speed?

"My endurance had taken a big hit after the knee injury, so I focused on that. I started running, which I hate to do, but I just kept the vision of the championship cup in my mind. Looking back I should have been working on my upper body during my recovery since that part of me was fine. I also made a mistake by jumping back into scrimmaging too soon. I didn’t think that my agility and balance would have suffered during the absence, but it did. I had come back from watching the 2007 Nationals in Austin and I was inspired and motivated. I came back to practice the next week and immediately started scrimmaging. By the 3^rd jam, I was getting worn out and ended up getting knocked down. When I went down, I turned my body to protect my knee and fell on my shoulder. I knew right away something was wrong and two days later, I couldn’t lift my arm up."

How had your attitude/approach to derby changed when you returned?

"I definitely think more about the risk. I’m getting older and my body doesn’t respond like it used to. I won’t jump back into playing until I feel completely comfortable, even though it gets harder the more time I spend away from it. Watching the game isn’t anywhere near the fun of playing the game."

What advice would you give to injured skaters? Any insight?

"It’s no brainer but listen to your doctor. Don’t try to jump right back in too quickly, if you aren’t physically AND mentally ready, you can end up worsening your injuries. Work out any part of your body that you can while you’re recovering. And this might sound corny, but I found that visualization exercises help. Before I came back, I would do some exercises where I imagined myself performing the things that I saw at practice. I would picture myself doing them over and over. And when I returned, I would do refocusing exercises on the line before a jam to try to keep my focus off my injuries and on the game. I would turn and look at the opposing jammer and imagine a target on her chest. I would look at her closely so that when I looked away I had a good mental image of her and I would keep that image in my head. I would repeat in my head things like “stay low”, “communicate”, and “hold the line”. Focusing on those things over and over helped me train myself to not think about anything else. Eventually when I got caught up in the action enough, there was no longer a need to consciously refocus my mind."

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To anyone outside of roller derby, it might seem crazy to put skates back on after a major injury such as what some of us have experienced. To jump back on the proverbial horse that threw you might seem insane to civilians. But amongst roller derby girls, it's just the way we do things. We don't try to hide our bruises, and we wear our scars with pride. And while there may not exactly be safety in numbers when it comes to derby injuries, it is safe to assume that whether it be a broken nose or a broken leg, in roller derby, you are never alone. Just ask Pyro Maim Ya. I always did.